| NEW FINANCIAL TERMS |
|---|
| BULL MARKET |
A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. |
| BEAR MARKET |
A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. |
| MOMENTUM INVESTING |
The fine art of buying high and selling low. |
| VALUE INVESTING |
The art of buying low and selling lower. |
| P/E RATIO |
The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. |
| BROKER |
What my broker has made me. |
| "BUY, BUY" |
A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane. |
| STANDARD & POOR |
Your life in a nutshell. |
| STOCK ANALYST |
Idiot who just downgraded your stock. |
| STOCK SPLIT |
When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. |
| FINANCIAL PLANNER |
A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes. |
| MARKET CORRECTION |
The day after you buy stocks. |
| CASH FLOW |
The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. |
| YAHOO |
What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. |
| WINDOWS 2000 |
What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo @ $240 per share. |
| INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR |
Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. |
| PROFIT |
Religious guy who talks to God. |