NEW FINANCIAL TERMS |
BULL MARKET |
A random market movement causing an investor to mistake himself for a financial genius. |
BEAR MARKET |
A 6 to 18-month period when the kids get no allowance, the wife gets no jewelry, and the husband gets no sex. |
MOMENTUM INVESTING |
The fine art of buying high and selling low. |
VALUE INVESTING |
The art of buying low and selling lower. |
P/E RATIO |
The percentage of investors wetting their pants as the market keeps crashing. |
BROKER |
What my broker has made me. |
"BUY, BUY" |
A flight attendant making market recommendations as you step off the plane. |
STANDARD & POOR |
Your life in a nutshell. |
STOCK ANALYST |
Idiot who just downgraded your stock. |
STOCK SPLIT |
When your ex-wife and her lawyer split your assets equally between themselves. |
FINANCIAL PLANNER |
A guy who actually remembers his wallet when he runs to the 7-11 for toilet paper and cigarettes. |
MARKET CORRECTION |
The day after you buy stocks. |
CASH FLOW |
The movement your money makes as it disappears down the toilet. |
YAHOO |
What you yell after selling it to some poor sucker for $240 per share. |
WINDOWS 2000 |
What you jump out of when you're the sucker that bought Yahoo @ $240 per share. |
INSTITUTIONAL INVESTOR |
Past year investor who's now locked up in a nuthouse. |
PROFIT |
Religious guy who talks to God. |